Training Resources – Under Construction

I have provided for you a small experiential story which I have written to assist people to get “into the skin” of having dementia. Please feel free to use it – simply acknowledge its source – and please use it wisely and sensitively- and always incorporate debriefing into its use

I want you to close your eyes and come on a journey with me. Relax and listen to my story.

Another hard day at the office. Accreditation assessors continual improvement and on and on it goes. Battling with sadness and grief constantly of staff and residents and families, grappling with assessors, accreditation agencies and bureaucrats. Fighting in traffic to get to work, fighting in traffic to get home. Aggressive drivers honking, horns an ongoing aggression pervading our streets. Winter chills have an impact on staff and residents, and me. Hate the cold having to get up in the morning, but love my day when it starts and love the people that I am honored to work with.

Worried about Mrs Smith today, wondering if she will make it through the night. One of my favourites, although I know I should not have any,,,,but we have always connected. A woman I would have chosen to have a friendship with if she had not been a resident in the nursing home that I manage.

Never-the-less, home now. To my haven my place to regenerate, to become who I need to be to face another day. My protector my nurturer. My place of family of love, of caring. My children my husband the people who care about me all in one place. As I put the key in the door, I immediately relax as I anticipate that special place. Walking down the corridor I think with some anticipation about that scotch that Brian will pour as we discuss our days challenges and successes…always with love and caring. Dinner to cook to feed this caring, but done together seems such a small task…simply a task of love. Even the jostling and teasing of the boys, constantly bickering in a loving way, brings a smile of anticipation to my face. I can almost smell that picture, the joy, the warmth.

As I enter the lounge room alcove, I am jolted from these thoughts by an “hello” where on earth have you been?” But who is this…a stranger sits in my house, looking at me, a strange and fearful smirkey smile on his face. An absolute stranger, someone I have never seen before, sits where my husband, my children should be. “Who are you I cry, what are you doing in my home. Get out get out”

“Shhh… calm down” he retorts. “I will not hurt you. The children are not here and Brian is dead, I have not done anything wrong!!!”. Nothing wrong, what do you mean Brian is dead, what have you done to him

What have you done with the children where is Brian, where are the children, Adam Mathew where are you? Brian where are you help me please, I scream. The stranger races at me now, grabbing me by the shoulders, begging me to stop, not to scream any more. “Shhhhhhh stop at once I want to talk to you.” Go away, I scream as a I bite him on the arm, drawing blood to save my live the lives of my children, my husband me. “Please tell me what you have done with them. Where have you taken them?”

I run out the door with him pursuing me. I run next door to Mabels, she will help me. Mabel, Mabel I knock on the door frantically, help me, someone is going to hurt me they have taken Brian and the children help!!!!

Another stranger answers the door. “Where is Mabel, I need her to help me, where is Mabel. He replies, “Mabel does not live here anymore, she has not lived here for over thirty years.” I scream, a loud high-pitched scream, then resignation….helplessness, the whole world is crazy, or is it only me?

He catches me the stranger, he grabs me and I resign, but I feel caring in his touch now. Not as scared, and very tired with heartfelt sobs, I submit to his caress.

A police officer arrives on the veranda. Thank God, they have found the children and Brian. The police officer says to the stranger, “well she is obviously home then.” I continue to sob and feel some sense of relief that the suffering will now be over. It is then that I hear the stranger tell the police officer, that he is my son and that I have dementia. I have delusions he says and forget that my children are all grown up with children of their own and that my husband died many years ago. I wander off a lot lately looking for things from my past. My time has come he says to be in more protective care. He cannot care for me much longer, I hear him say. What does it mean, why are they lying, it still does not make sense to me, the world spins, but I cannot fight anymore …I am very very tired.